I Was God Once, It Was Great!

Long ago my sister had 3 adorable little girls. Actually she still has 3 adorable girls they just aren't little any more. Each girl had her distinct personality and each was as cute as a puppy or kitten. They lived in a mountain community a few hours out of Reno, Nevada. I would visit from time to time. I think they loved their Uncle Jimmy. I had occasion to phone my sister one day. The middle girl, Kathy, answered and I asked if her mom was home. She told me no and that mom went to the store and would be back in a few minutes. She didn't recognize my voice but they were young, their ages still a single digit. Now I've always liked the little people. One of their greatest assets is honesty. They are usually honest to a fault and thus they believe what people tell them... especially adults. These 3 little people were no exception. I don't know what came over me but when I heard that mom wasn't there and then little Kathy asked if I wanted to leave a message, well, I couldn't help myself. "YES," I said in a deep authoritative voice, "I WANT TO LEAVE A MESSAGE. THIS IS GOD CALLING AND I WANT YOU TO HAVE YOUR MOM CALL ME BACK RIGHT AWAY!" I hear a small voice saying to her sisters, "Hey you guys, it's God on the phone and he wants to leave a message!" Then I asked, "DO YOU HAVE A PIECE OF PAPER AND A PEN?" "Yes God." Kathy replied. "OK, WRITE THIS NUMBER DOWN 303-555-1234." "OK God." She said. Then I told her that God loved her and she said she loved me too. It was so sweet. She believed every word I said. So did her sisters, I could here the chatter in the background. God obviously had never called before. I felt rotten on one hand for fooling her and her sisters but then, on the other hand, it was just great to get away with it. My sister called about 10 minutes later. When I answered she asked to speak to God. I laughed and she told me that she drove up to the house and 3 girls came streaming out the door and down the stairs. One is waving a piece of paper in the air and all are screaming, "Mom, Mom, God called and wants you to call him back right away!" Over and over they yelled and Mom of course, couldn't believe what she was hearing. When she saw the phone number on the note she immediately knew what was going on. I talked to the girls on the phone that day and they took it pretty good that I had fooled them. What is so very cool about this story though is all 3 of them still remember their phone call from God. They refer to me as God some times and tell others that their Uncle Jimmy is God. I guess I left a solid impression with these young 'uns as they still remember that day. What I can't imagine is what went on in that house between the time I first called, or should I say when God called, and when mom drove up. That is probably the best part of the story. This had to have been 30 or so years ago and here I am remembering that time vividly. Julie, Kathy and Jamie. God still loves you.

Dead

I had a friend who was rotund. He was pretty funny and always had an opinion. He was successful. I was impressed by many of the pictures in his office because there he was with President Regan, various movie stars, a bunch of important local folks.

We used to meet most mornings for coffee along with a few others and solve the problems of the world. I remember one morning he was telling us about his latest doctors appointment. He said, "What do you do if your doctor tells you to lose weight? Get a new doctor!"

We laughed.

He died while having surgery to open clogged carotid arteries.

Where do you what to eat?

It must be genetic. My wife does this and so does her daughter. The granddaughter doesn't do this so much but she is young and still has mommy and Grammy traits to acquire.

I'm talking about going out to lunch. It goes like this:

Me: Hey darling, lets go out to eat.
Wife: OK, if you want to.
Me: Great, let's go.

We get in the car... I have a restaurant in mind.

Me: So, is the Sports Bar OK for lunch?
Wife: I'd rather not.
Me: OK, where would you like to go?
Wife: Oh, I don't care.
Me: OK, well how 'bout Red Robin then?
Wife: No, I'm not in the mood for Red Robin.
Me: OK, where do you want to go?
Wife: Oh, anywhere you want is OK with me.
Me: Well, how 'bout a little help here, what kind of food do you want?
Wife: Mexican is good... Italian is good too. Really, anything you like.
Me: OK, how 'bout Johnny Carino's?
Wife: If you want to. I guess that will be OK.
Me: We could go somewhere else if you would rather.
Wife: I really don't care where we go... just pick something.
Me: We could go to Burger King!
Wife: You know I hate eating there.
Me: OK, fine. Let's go to Jose's.
Wife: OK, that sounds good.

So we get to the restaurant get seated and she orders a salad. Not a taco salad, just a dinner salad.

Me: Is that all your having?
Wife: Yes, I'm not very hungry.
Me: Then why did you care if we went to the sports bar?
Wife: I told you I didn't care where we went!
Me: No, you said you didn't want to go there.
Wife: Your problem is you go to restaurants to eat!
Me: Yea. I'll confess to that. Why do you go to restaurants?
Wife: You wouldn't understand... just eat your lunch.

ICE

The weather man said it may snow today. He is wrong more than he is right but once in a while he gets it right. Sometimes you can tell just by the tone of his voice if he is right. I think most weather people know they are 80% bluff or BS however the other 20% they know what they are talking about. Like a couple of weeks ago I was listening to the local news and he said there was a 30% chance of snow and he said it with conviction too... I didn't have the heart to email him and tell him it was 100% chance of snow at my house.

Anyway, the weather man is saying snow, again, maybe. So yesterday I decided I should break up the ice in the fish pond before it gets freezing cold for 8 more days and instead of having 8 inches of ice I'll have something less.

Armed with my trusty 20 pound iron bar I started beating the ice. A crack here and a break there. It slowly started to break. I beat on it, punched holes in it, cussed at it and I finally did break it up. Huffing and puffing I put my tool of destruction back in the garage and congratulated myself on a job well done.

This morning I looked out at the pond and instead of having a smooth layer of ice I now have a bumpy layer of ice. I'm pondering where my logic went left while I turned right. What the hell, I needed the exercise.

Looks cloudy out... might snow.

What did you call me?

My wife rarely uses "bad" language. I accuse her of using big words when we have "discussions" about things we don't agree about. For instance, I might say, "It's going to be a nice day." Her reply, "Don't count your juvenile poultry before completion of incubation!" I'll say, "It looks like the clouds are clearing out." She says, "I see delineations in the cloud cover."

So with this in mind, when I tell you she called me an asshole you have to understand she didn't actually say "asshole," today she just gave me the "look" and then told me that if I didn't "shut up" she was going to hit me. HA! She is all of about 100 pounds and I might just scare a retired Denver Bronco Line Backer.... well, maybe scare is a bit strong.... Anyway, she could hit me all day and it wouldn't hurt... at least not much.

What really scared me was she didn't use a big word to say she was going to hit me. It's like she really wanted to warn me to shut up.

I was just hav'n a little fun. Trying to add a little raz-a-muh-taz to a Saturday evening. Nothing bad... honest, I was just teasing. You know what's really bad though? I don't remember what I was teasing her about.

I do remember shutting up!

Did Hell Freeze Over Too?

After 8 days and nights of freezing cold today it finally WARMED UP to a balmy 35 degrees Fahrenheit.

I have a fish pond on the backyard and you could ice skate on it if you wanted. I picked up a cobble stone that was pretty heavy, maybe 15 pounds or so. I lifted it over my head and threw it with all my might on the ice. It bounced! It left a small dent. Didn't even crack the ice.

If I were a fish I don't think I would want to live in my pond over the winter. Do fish hibernate?

On the 5 o'clock news the temperature had already dropped to 28. Tomorrow it is supposed to get to 39. Think I'll break out my shorts and tank top.

Zombie Chickens

And you thought there wasn't any life left in that 'ol spent hen. Guess again.

Chickens that have lost their usefulness to chicken farmers have to be, shall we say, administered to. The cold reality in the chicken world is when you can't make the grade in egg production there just isn't room for you.... anywhere. Many chicken farms take these "spent hens" and put them in a box filled with carbon dioxide and then bury their lifeless bodies to make compost. Some of these chickens aren't "euthanized" properly and they "come back to life" and crawl out of the compost pile. These crawlers are call ZOMBIE CHICKENS!

Let's get a few things straight here. If you are euthanized you are dead. If you are dead you can not crawl out of your grave.... you can't crawl anywhere... only live chickens crawl out of their grave. So the chickens that are called zombie's are really chickens that should be dead but are not either for tenacity on their part or stupidity on the part of the human who was supposed to euthanize the creature. In either case it doesn't speak well of chicken farmers.

There are a bunch of folks that are pretty upset with zombie chickens. It upsets some that they were not killed correctly. It upsets others that they are being wasted in a compost pile. And still others think they should be put out to pasture and live happily ever after. I don't know exactly which group I would line up after but I certainly don't want to be seeing a bunch of ZOMBIE CHICKENS cruz'n the 'hood. Did you ever hear the story about the chicken heart, lubdub, lubdub....

The Addictive Miss "C"

It was a relationship, maybe a love affair, certainly a bond between me and Miss "C". Yea, it was one of those love/hate things.

I was a good smoker... one of the best. The last thing I did before I lay my head on the pillow at night was crush Miss "C" in the bedside ash tray. In the morning before even getting up to pee I would grab a new Miss "C" and light her fire as I lay in bed. We smoked all day. In meetings. In the company cafeteria. In hallways. In my office. In bars. In restaurants. Everywhere! If Miss "C" wasn't allowed somewhere I didn't go there. And if someone had the audacity to insult me and my lover by asking me to snuff out her fire I would lay into them about my RIGHTS, about them getting a life, all kinds of crap. Oh yea, Miss "C" and I were into each other... into it hot and heavy.

One thing I think very interesting is almost the whole time I was never ADDICTED to her. Not me. I could drop her in a New York minute with no problem, no regrets... I just didn't want to. I hung with Miss "C" because I wanted to, my decision, my right. Yea, sure.

I noticed on my right hand, the skin between my middle and index fingers was brown. It was nicotine stains. Not only that there were little bumps on the skin. They itched. I thought I should change which hand I used to hold Miss "C". Kinda like switching to menthol's when I had a cold... better for you. In the back of my mind I was wondering.... if this is what my fingers look like, what might my lungs look like? Do you think there were bumps on them too? Can your lungs itch? In addition I noticed that laughing always finished with coughing. I wasn't alone, many others who were having love affairs with their own Miss "C", always finished laughing with a cough or a lot of coughs. I also noticed that a lot of people who didn't smoke also didn't like to be around those who did smoke. I found I was limiting my friends to only smokers as the trend to not smoke grew. Other smokers didn't give you shit about smoking. I saw smokers standing outside of places that didn't allow smoking. Unlike me, they were hooked. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know something is driving you to stand out in the cold, freezing your butt off, just to inhale that addictive poison. I started to wonder, on and off, who was in charge of me? Me or Miss "C"?

My life seemed to revolve around Miss "C". Before I went out I had to check to make sure there were enough smokes. Did I have fluid in my lighter. Extra flints. Matches in case the damn lighter quit. Very few times in my life I actually ran out of cigarettes. When it happened I searched the house. I looked in drawers, dressers, jacket pockets, car, glove box. Check the ash trays; any butts long enough to light up? Damn, had to go to the store. Snowing, no problem. Blizzard, no problem. Half drunk, no problem. If Miss "C" wasn't there I was going to go get her and nothing was going to stand in my way. Miss "C" was clearly in charge. In charge of every minute of every day.

She had to go.

I had tried to drop her a number of times and I would always crawl back. I was going to rid myself of her or die, literally, trying. I made the decision... again.

It was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. After all the failed attempts I finally made it. It was January 1, 1986. I remember that last cigarette, my last kiss of the addictive Miss "C", like it was yesterday. It was about 2:30 AM, the wife and I had just returned from a party. I got out of the car with my long time companion Miss "C" in hand. Standing in the driveway I took a last drag on her filthy orifice and flicked her into the gutter.

At the end of this near 30 year relationship was a new feeling... fear. I was afraid I couldn't live without her. I might fail... again. What would my friends say about not being able to give her up. We were always together for those many, many years. At times I would call her names like fag, cancer stick, smoke, butt, coffin nail but we always got back together. She was very forgiving. I remember one time I gave up on her for about 6 weeks (of hell). At a weak moment, in a bar I think, she touched my lips and the affair was on again only hotter and heavier than before.

In a little over a month from now our anniversary will be upon us. Back in 1986 I thought of Miss "C" often. I missed her so much... I was in mourning. I was afraid she might not stay dead. Now, I think of her from time to time and wish she could be a fond memory like most other loves. It isn't to be. It took me a long time to realize Miss "C" was really killing me. She was poisoning me. She stole my will power. She made me do things I didn't want to do. She controlled my life.

No more.

Headline: Texas Mall Lures Rich Mexican Shoppers

I just read it! It's an Associated Press news release.

After all I've heard on the evening (tell me what to think) news about those Mexicans coming into the US and taking our welfare money, congesting our emergency rooms, demonstrating against us by burning the US Flag, yadda, etc, yadda, etc... Only now is the news telling us that we have been blessed by the "rich" Mexicans coming to a Texas Mall near you to spend their dollars.

It was with great interest I read the story because I was curious that there might be a "rich Mexican" and also because I wanted to know if they were spending dollars as in US dollars or peso's.

The story said the Mexicans like to shop in the US stores. They buy name brand items. They take shopping as a family affair bringing the kids and extended family (Cousins, Aunts, Uncles). Many of the Texas border towns are very excited to have them come over the bridge.

One family from Monterrey bought shoes and clothing, spending around $400. Another woman who was obviously better off than the "rich" family from Monterrey spent $1000 on her trip from Ciudad Victoria.

The retailers in Brownsville say about 35% of their sales are made by Mexicans. McAllen reports about 26%. Having been to Texas and seen the border towns I know this has to be a bunch of crap. Hells bells, these towns are about 80% Mexican, many... or dare I say MOST are not even rich!

I am glad these rich people have found a place to spend their money. I'm glad the news has another point of view of Mexicans besides the doom and gloom of low rent, leaches plundering our streets lined with gold. I'm very glad they were spending dollars and not pesos... who wants pesos? I'm amazed it took so long to read the story.... now if we could only get it on the evening news....

Traffic School ~ A Rip Off

If you have read my blog from bottom to top you'll know that I got a traffic ticket, went to court, paid my fine and opted to go to traffic school so, if I'm a good boy, the ticket will never show on my record. So I went to traffic school Monday night.

I have been to traffic school before. 6 or 7 years ago my wife and I went so we could get a 10% reduction on our auto insurance. It's boring. They don't tell you much that you can't read in the little booklet the DMV hands out. It's boring.

This school was also boring and, to my surprise, the "teacher" was the same cop who gave me the speeding ticket. Now I don't have anything against this cop. He was OK with me and I was speeding. But this "class" was not what I would consider a traditional traffic school.

Why? In my ever so humble opinion:

• There is no certification that is recognized by anyone except the city that "forgives" the ticket.
• There was no receipt, diploma, attendance certificate. Nothing to prove you went to "school."
• The class set the agenda by telling the teacher what they wanted to talk about.
• I think it is a revenue generator for the city and that the city is using it's authority not only to issue traffic violations but also to forgive them.... for a fee that is disguised as a traffic school (good for me since I was ticked for speeding).

What I did get out of the class besides having my ticket forgiven (if I'm good for 6 months) was to hear what most of the police allow for speeding in town.... 10 mph over unless you're doing something else beside just speeding like being careless or road rage... stuff like that. They also told us where they spend most of their time. Explained how their laser speed detector worked. Of course a few war stories about accidents and deaths.

Although I thought the whole thing was a rip off, on the other hand it allowed me to get my ticket deferred so that part was worth it to me (I didn't have to go, I elected to go). The "education" from the school was missing.

New Subject..... I would like to comment about the police in general. I observed a few of my friends from high school who joined the Denver police. In every case they changed their attitudes toward the "civilians" and their circle of friends became ONLY other police officers.

So what's wrong with this you may ask. These people have a lot of power. What they do is largely dependent on their judgement. I think the longer police are in the job they become segregated from the general population. I can't blame them, they deal with the low life, scum bag, violent and what ever people day in and day out. They can't trust these people because if they do they will probably get hurt in a physical sense. After being exposed to this environment day in and day out the only trust they can allow themselves is with their peers in law enforcement (and hopefully with their spouses and kids). The general population, the civilians, can't relate to what these people go through in their day to day dealings with criminals and a lot of the "law breakers."

Another thing to consider. Cops arrest people, give tickets, sometimes have to be a bit pushy. Sooner or later the people who have been arrested, jailed, imprisoned, fined... whatever, are back out on the streets. Do you think some of these pillars of society wouldn't like to see the guy who they blame for getting caught bleed a little? Maybe bleed a lot!

I've talked to some of these guys (never talked about this to a female cop) and some understand what I'm saying and agree. Others think I'm all wet and don't know what I'm talking about. That may be so. But if you are not a cop I'll bet you best friend isn't one either and if you are a cop I'll bet your best friend is one too. I'll even go a little farther and say, if you are a cop you probably don't have friends that aren't cops.

So, if your a cop and would like to discuss this lets meet for a burger and coke.... bet you sit with your back to the wall;-)

FWIW.....

Update #1 ~ Identity Theft Saga

Here is an update on what's going on with the Identity Theft Saga I first blogged about here.

Last week I received a letter from the collection agency in Florida requesting that I send them a police report, "....for client full validation of fraud."

Well, I had not filed a police report because I didn't have much to say about the ID theft except what the collection company had provided me and what I could glean from my credit report. By not much I mean: Company name that extended credit to the thief, something called a MID number and the amout the company is going to get stuck with.

But I did have a few letters from the collection company so I went to the local police department this morning. I have to say the police lady that took my report was so helpful. I was in and out in about 20 minutes with a case number. She told me that she used to create case reports on ID theft about once a month and now she is doing it about 6 to 8 time per day!!!!

So I wrote a letter to the collection company and gave them the case number and address/phone numbers of the local police (should have told them in the letter their phone number was 911, ha). Bet I haven't heard the last of this....

My RANT:

• Some company doesn't do their job by verifing who they extend credit to and then it becomes my problem.
• It appears so easy to open accounts with just a name and SS number, shouldn't there be a PIN or something.
• If the police in this small town are getting 6 to 8 ID theft reports per day can you imagine what is happening in a big city.... AND how much the companies that extend credit are eating. You know the consumer pays for this.... like corporate taxes. You do know this? Right?
• I wrote my congress rep.... Mr Salazar but he didn't give a rats rear end based on the canned response I got.
• How do you get someone who can do something about this to listen and ACT?
• The law requires that I have a SS number.... so where are they when things go bad? Another example of being confused between the law and justice. I can't get no justice here!
• Apparently I was wrong when I said the Social Security folks would not give you a new number.... they will but they warn you that it may (most likely) affect your credit and benefits.

Stay tuned for updates. I'm guessing about a month or so.

Headline: 1 in 3 Babies Unplanned

The Guardian (news) located in the UK reports: One in three babies is conceived by mistake, the result of missed pills and split condoms. The article goes on to say that women aren't in as much control over conception as they thought... because they forget to take their pill!

So let me put this another way... I'm driving my car down the street and approach a stop sign. I forget to stop and t-bone some guy in the middle of the intersection. When the cop arrives and is trying to determine who screwed up I won't be given a ticket because I forgot to stop? Honest officer, I wasn't in control of my car... I forgot to stop!

Or then, "OH MY GAWD, I was with John-boy last night and we screwed until I could hardly walk and I don't think I've taken my pill for 5 days... Ah SHIT, I forgot!"

I'm just not in control of my live, my body. Now I'm pregnant and all because the damn pill didn't work. Sure.

And about the split condom. Right. What probably happened is the sucker falls off as soon as he does his thing. She wants to know why there is a wet spot when the condom should have contained the semen. "Well, darling," he says with a deep voice, "the damn thing split because I'm such a man." Sure honey, sure.

I will leave you with this to ponder:

My Day in Court

Yesterday was my day in court. I was awarded a traffic ticket about 6 weeks ago. I'm thinking it was because I won. All those other cars were falling behind and I got to the stop light first. The only guy who could keep up was on this motorcycle and he was a cop... OK 42 in a 30 was a bit excessive.... I still won and got my award. So off to court I go. I've always found court interesting. My last ticket that I'm admitting to was back in 1973 since then and until today I was only in court for jury duty. Having to be in the cast of characters once every 33 years is OK but there is never a good time for this type of thing.... mostly because it usually costs money. Back in 1973 I was in court for the same thing I was in 2006, speeding. I don't remember how much I was over the speed limit in 1973 but I do remember when I went to court I had to pay a fine of $15 and that included court costs. Yesterday I had to pay a fine of $75 plus $15 in court costs and an additional $50 for tuition to driving school. Total $140. I was, however, allowed to put it on my credit card and didn't have to pay a surcharge which was a surprise to me. At court we have the judge who was a woman about 40 years old or so, a Assistant District Attorney who was in his 40's also and all us law breakers armed with our check books. The judge explained to everyone about their rights and what type of plea a person can make in her court.... Not guilty. Guilty. No contest. She explained that the sentence for guilty and no contest would be the same but with a no contest plea you were not saying you did anything wrong your just saying your not going to argue and will pay the fine. Of course it still counts against you just like you had said, "I be guilty, I did it and I have no excuse." This was the 10:30 performance. Apparently there was also an 8:30 performance as the first lawbreaker in front of the judge was a teenager who was supposed to be in court at 8:30. The judge asked the teen why he wasn't in court at 8:30 and he said he over slept. She told him to go sit down and she would take care of business with him AFTER she finished with the players of the 10:30 drama. He said to her, ".... but I have to be at work in 30 minutes." She said, "You should have gotten out of bed and been in court on time then... have a seat." Ah, justice is truly blind. Next was a older gentleman who was given a ticket for having 2 dogs "at large" and also given a 2nd ticket for interfering with an Animal Control Officer. He was armed with a brief case full of documents and had a bunch of questions for the judge. Basically he felt he was innocent but in order to get a trial he would have to plead "not guilty" and he was reluctant to do that. So he hemmed and hawed and asked the same question 6 different ways. The judge finally told him that he would have to make a plea.... he just stood there and the judge just sat there. Finally after about 45 seconds he said he was sorry to take the courts time but would have to plead not guilty. He wanted to continue to discuss this with the judge but she wasn't hear'n any of it. She set a court date for the 1st of Feb. The 'ol guy slowly picked up his brief case and left the court room. I kinda felt sorry for him and it would have been interesting to hear what happened that brought him to court that day. I might add, the judge said this was his 2nd offense of "dogs at large" and that carried a $250 fine for each dog and for interfearing with the animal control officer could be a fine of $500 for the first offense. Getting into some serious money here. The judge called the names of a few folks that didn't show up. She issued warrants for them. Too bad for them cuz when the cops stop them anywhere in the state they will be arrested without a doubt. If you have a warrant out for you and they come across your sorry butt your next stop is in the slammer. There were a couple of teenage girls that really had a problem. They thought everything was funny. They kept rolling their eyes and whispering to each other. Each one had been cited for a traffic violation and when the judge called them up the ADA said they were not cooperative with the cop who stopped them and didn't have anything nice to say about either one. So instead of the usual $75 fine she hit both of them with $150 fine. They didn't care... made me feel a bit better. Then there was this guy with shaggy blond hair that was like a wired haired terrier. He was wearing a suit but didn't look very comfortable in it. When he got up to the dais I saw that he was wearing his suit pants down on his butt leaving a look like he was carry'n around a bag of shit in his drawers. I thought it made him look pretty stupid.... if your going to dress that way you should wear the cloths like they were made to be worn.... what if some gal wore her bra backward or around her stomach? I'm getting too old for this stuff. Finally it got to be my turn and the judge called out my last name. I stood and at the same time the guy who was sitting next to me stood. We looked at each other and immediately figured out we both shared the same last name. Weird huh. And he was sitting next to me. I shook his hand and then the judge figured it out so gave out the full name of the victim she wanted. Pretty efficient for a government operation. Quickly separated us from our money and sent us on our way.

Obviously They Didn't Have Newspapers

Here's the deal. These two researchers are scrounging around in the desert looking for the originator of the Dead Sea Scrolls. And not only that, once they find who originated the scrolls then they want to understand how they lived and died.

So these two guys, Jimmy and Joey, run across this ancient crapper.... uno, toilet... bathroom (see my blog about Mike Rowe and microgy... it all ties in). Jimmy and Joey call it a communal latrine from Qumran. Qumran, apparently, is a ancient settlement back when Jesus was roaming Terra Firma with a lot of caves and, interestingly enough, where the 2,000 year old scrolls were found.

I just don't see the big deal here. When a guys on the crapper he needs to have something to read.... right. OK, so they didn't have books or newspapers back then so these folks read the scrolls. Since they probably didn't have a whole bunch of 'em they probably all got together once a week or so and traded scrolls that they wrote.... kinda like a communal book club.

Luckily someone found these scrolls or we would all be Hindu's or whatever. Anyway, Jimmy and Joey think the folks that lived near this latrine were a "hard-core Jewish sect" know as the Essenes. Apparently these Essenes had... well, long driveways and very small garages because they lived too close to this latrine and it made them very ill. Maybe if they lived a cleaner life there would have been more scrolls. I guess we may never know.

Wonder what they used for paper....

Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs missed this....

Have you ever seen the TV show called "Dirty Jobs" where the host, Mike Rowe, takes on some of the most dirty, vile, filthy, crappy, smelly jobs that have ever existed. Mike is the King of POOP. On his show he has shoveled it, hauled it, loaded it, dumped it, sucked it up, blown it out, analyzed it, smelled it, smelled of it, been given a lot of it and he keeps coming back for more of it. Being a fan of Dirty Jobs I'm surprised I haven't heard about Microgy from Mike Rowe. This Microgy is right up his alley. Hey Mike, I think you missed one....

Microgy is a process actually. A process where you take flax and spin it into gold.... well that is the old school version. In the new school version the gold is ENERGY and the flax is POOP! Yepers, poop processing entrepreneurs are now able to turn poop into energy and apparently, since there is a lot of poop in our world, they can make a lot of energy.

It appears that the initial microgy processing is being done at dairy and pig farms. Need I tell you why? They collect the poop and run it through a thing called a digester. Now I be think'n this stuff just came out of a digester but what do I know... heck, I had not even heard of microgy until just this weekend... no thanks to Mike Rowe! But I digress. The digester heats the poop along with a few additives to around 120 degrees and over a relatively short amount of time gas, as in methane, is produced. Lots of it. The gas is collected, the carbon minoxide is removed and you have, amazingly, natural gas. I always wondered what natural gases natural source was.

The source is considered a "renewable source" and I would certainly have to agree with that. I have heard from a reliable source that when we quit poop'n we are either dead or about to explode. So if you ain't re-new-n this source you are in... well, deep doo-doo.

Natural gas really is the gold of today. Look at your natural gas bill if you have any doubt. As oil becomes more expensive alternative sources of energy become more feasible to develop.

I can visualize our sewage processing plants upgrading with "digesters" (they really need a better name for this thing) and turning our contributions to the world into useable energy. I can see poop processing entrepreneurs building the first human microgy plant right in Washington DC, right out behind the halls of Congress. The trend will no doubt filter down to the state and finally local levels of government. Of course once this happens the USA be free from the need of foreign oil because we will have so much energy from processing poop. I can think of a few folks that all by themselves could provide the raw material to power a microgy plant. You will have to fill in their name for yourself.

Think this is a cow-pie-in-the-sky story? Check it out till your hearts content here.

See you in the funny papers.....

Insignificant compared to....

I have to stop watching the Discovery Channel. Maybe even stop with the National Geographic Channel too. There are so many facisinating things we, earthlings, are learning. My mind just can't comprehend all this information.

We are sending unmanned submarines to the bottoms of the ocean and the pictures they send back show things that even the most talented science fiction writer couldn't have come up with. Vents, tube worms, crustations, fish, fisures. We have even taken pictures of giant squid... now that's enought to scare the stuff'n out of Jules Vern.

Going the other direction, as in up, we have the stars and much, much more. Thanks to the Hubble Telescope we find how really insignificant we are. Our tiny solar system is in orbit in the Milky Way Galaxy. The Milky Way Galaxy, which is 100,000 light years wide, has million upon millions (if not billions upon billions) of solar systems of which we are only a very small one. In addition, there are billions of galaxies besides the Milky Way. Many of these are much larger than the paltry 100,000 light year width of the Milky Way.

Just think about all the things we have learned in the past 100 years. Think about what life was like on earth way back then. If you brought someone from 1906 into todays world they would be awe struck. Our gadgets like cell phones and home computers... how 'bout the internet and what information is available at anyones finger tips. Show them a 747 as it comes in for a landing and then take them for a tour of the plane. Maybe a trip to see a shuttle launch or just an I-Max movie. A ride in a race car or just a ride down the interstate. Go to a grocery store or mall. Maybe even the simpler things like toilets, bathtubs, stoves, central heat and air conditioning. We clearly live in an ever changing environment. Even with all the worldly things that are amazing, to say the least, these things don't even begin to compare to the wonders mother nature has come up with all around us... from here to eternity wonders abound.

I feel frustrated that I can't come up with the words that even begin to communicate how awsome things are.

Pictures

Here are some pictures of galaxies that may get your imagination going: click here.

If you feel like you would rather stay earth bound then here are just some of the bazillion under water pictures, these of ocean vents.

The following picture was taken by the Hubble Telescope. The "view" from the Hubble is quite small it is limitied to less than half of one percent of the universe. All of these "dots" of light are other galaxies... think about that.

"Mister Scott... we need all power to the warp engines and we need it NOW," said Captain Kirk as he turned and sat in the bridge command chair.

"You've got it Cap'n," came the reply over the intercom

"Warp factor 9 Mr. Sulu.... engage," said Kirk.....

Work Your Whole Life and Then....

This is a true story.

I mentioned in an earlier blog post that I lived in Texas for about 10 years. One of the main reasons for moving to Texas was we wanted to get a sailboat and do the sailing thing for a while. We wound up buying a Gulfstar 39 that we enjoyed sailing for about 5 years. We decided to sell the boat and after it sold we would move back to Colorado.

We were not in a big hurry so we decided to try and sell the boat ourselves versus using a broker and paying 10% of the sale price. OK, I may squeak a little when I walk... only a little, OK. I created a web page and put the particulars about the boat online and waited.

This is where the story begins.

One day, back in the late summer of 2004 (if my old brain remembers correctly) I got a phone call. There was a woman on the other end, she asked if I was the person with a Gulfstar 39 for sale. I said I was and she said, "Don't you think it would look beautiful sailing in Puget Sound?"

I'll call this woman Sal and her husband I'll call Slim... not their real names. Their real names are.... now wouldn't that be dumb!

Sal was a likable woman and a kick to talk with. She was outgoing and the impression I got was fun loving. She also wasn't poor because you don't buy a Gulfstar 39 with a Visa card... maybe American Express, I never had one of those.

Sal and Slim had been looking for a boat for some time. They had recently sailed with a friend on a Gulfstar 39 and loved the layout and the way she handled so they were on the hunt. Sal saw my page offering my Gulfstar for sale and was clearly interested.

We talked about my boat over the course of 3 or 4 weeks. I wound up sending her a copy of the survey (boat inspection for those who are sailing challenged) I had so they could see the condition of the boat.

They took my survey and reviewed it with their surveyor (boat inspector) and decided to come to Texas for a test sail and to look her over. A couple of weeks later they arrived.

We headed out and had a very pleasant day sailing. Drank a few beers. Had a nice lunch that my wife prepared. They were pleasant people and I'd like to think we are too. Slim was just fascinated. He crawled around the boat checking all the nooks and crannies. He didn't talk much but it was clear he and my boat were developing a thing.

Slim was in the process of turning his business over to his son. Slim was 62 and had worked for as long as he could remember. He owned a metal fabrication shop and wanted to follow his dream and get a boat. Work on her. Fix her. Sail her.

Sal was right in line with Slim. She was a lawyer and wanted to slow down and take time to enjoy what she and Slim had worked for so long to get.

About 2 weeks following the sail Sal and Slim returned to Texas and this time they brought their surveyor with them. I had made arrangements to have the boat at the boat yard so the yard could pull the boat out of the water and their surveyor could inspect the bottom. After that we set sail for my house and the surveyor continued his inspection while we were under way.

Again the sail was uneventful and pleasant. Sal and Slim were just beside themselves with the thought of sailing on their own in Puget Sound. Their excitement was contagious and there were smiles all around.

They left for home the next day but before getting on the plane they called me and made an offer... I accepted. All that was left to do was for me to get the money and deliver the boat back to the boat yard where it would be prepared for truck transport to Seattle.

At the appointed time I delivered the boat and watched as they took the mast off and stowed gear and finally hauled her out of the water. The transport would be there the next day for loading. The deal was done.

I got an email from Sal saying they were very excited about getting the boat. They had been showing their friends pictures of their new baby. She said she talked with the transport driver every day.

I got a email from her on a Wednesday saying that she and Slim were going to meet the transport who was one day out of Seattle. They wanted to see the boat on the truck and just look at her. It would be a while before they could sail her as they had made arrangements to have some upgrades done before commissioning her.

A few days later I got an email from Sal. She said Slim and she had met the driver and the boat looked great. She said the driver was even excited about the boat because it was a pretty nice boat and he liked the Gulfstar line anyway. She and Slim hung out with the driver until around 9 that night before taking the 75 minute drive home.

Sal's email said that she and Slim got up the next morning around 5:30 and a few minutes later Slim had a massive heart attack and died.

I sure hope she is sailing on Puget Sound. God bless you Slim.

Identity Theft and Social Security

Before I start with what I have to say I want everyone to know that I have been cross-shredding all my receipts, statements, bills, etc for many years. Before I got a shredder I would save these things up and burn them. I've never lost my wallet. I don't share passwords. I don't use easy passwords. I've tried to be very careful to protect myself and my assets from the bad guys.

A couple of years ago when I had a temporary residence in Texas (fer about 10 years, pardner) I received a phone call from a woman who identified herself by name and said she worked in the fraud division of Bell South. She said she had some bad news for me, and informed me that I was a victim of identity theft.

She said someone in Georgia had used my name and social security number to establish credit in order to get a cell phone from Bell South. She said the account had been closed and that they understood it was identity theft and would not be after me to pay the bill. She suggested I order a copy of my credit report and check in closely for fraudulent accounts. In our conversation I was able to verify she had all my vitals and was even able to call her back at Bell South.... pretty sure she was on the up-n-up but I was still a bit doubtful because I had been so careful for so many years to protect myself.

I ordered the credit report and sure enough there was a few accounts, in Georgia, that were not mine and, of course, were past due.

I alerted the credit bureau of the identity theft. I called the businesses and made sure they understood the accounts were not mine and opened by someone posing as me. I wrote letters to the credit bureau and the companies. I contacted the police in both Texas and Georgia. I thought I had it all behind me. Silly boy, silly boy.

So here it is about 3 years later and all of a sudden I get a notice in the mail from one of the credit companies saying there was some stuff in my credit report that could be detrimental to my credit and they had to tell me because Colorado law said so. Thank you Colorado.

I got online and once again I find that someone, this time in Florida, is using my name and social security number and not paying their bills. I disputed the entry in my credit report and slept soundly thinking that as soon as they checked it out they would figure out the problem and all would be well in the world.

Silly boy, silly boy. The next thing I hear is from a collection agency wanting the past due money that I owed in Florida. The collection agency does not provide a contact name, an email address, not even a phone number. All they give you is an address to send the money! I suppose they get their fair share of sad stories about why this isn't paid and why that isn't owed but that leaves use good guys who always pay their bills on time out in the cold. It seems like you are assumed to be guilty... if you will.

Well, I wrote them and told them I had been an identity theft victim in the past and apparently it was happening again..... bla, bla, bla. They sent me forms to fill out and get notarized and I did all that and so far haven't heard from them... it's been a month now.

So that is my sad story about identity theft.... it isn't over yet. True to form I have a few comments.

1. Ones social security number along with the name should NOT have the power to open any account real or fraudulent. A social security number should not have any power (as in power to open credit accounts).
2. I believe someone sold my information. Maybe from a doctors office. Possibly a bank. How about a disgruntled government employee. Old school records. I don't know but I feel very strongly that I didn't screw up and give it away.
3. If my credit card number became compromised like my social security number, it would only take a phone call to the credit card company and that number wouldn't work anywhere in the world from that moment on. Why can't the social security nerds figure out how to do the same thing?
4. I wrote my congressman, Mr. "I'm working for you" Salazar, about item 3 above and the response I got was canned and didn't address my point. He probably didn't read it and some pre-school volunteer responded. I didn't vote for him today.
5. As long as my social security number is "out" I can expect this to happen again and again.
6. When contacting police all of them gave me the run around and didn't want to be bothered and I'm sure once they got the report don't do anything about it. I never heard from them.
7. In the original ID theft I provided an address... want to bet they checked it out? The last theft one was for electricity... think anyone goes to the house to check it out?
8. We are always hearing about someone losing a computer with thousands of individuals "sensitive" data. Seems to me if you lose this type of data you should be liable and possibly go to jail for neglect. The loss should be reported immediately with fines (given to the victims) from the day the loss occurred until social security issues new numbers to all the victims.
9. What's with these dopey companies allowing someone to open a line of credit and NOT checking them out. The credit report stated (assuming they got one) that I didn't live in Georgia or Florida... duh.
10. If I want to freeze my credit... i.e. not allow anyone including myself to get credit using my credit rating I have to pay. Not only pay but pay each of the big 3 credit reporting companies (it's like a subscription, pay for so long and then pay again).
11. It seems you have no rights, no influence, no nothing in this arena. You are a victim and you are on your own. Good luck silly boy, good luck.

So stay tuned. As we go down the merry path of identify theft we will fear no evil.......

See you in the funny papers..... silly boy.

Ice 'n Water

When things get cold they condense. Cold air, for instance, settles in the valleys. Jump in a lake some summer day and as you get deeper you will feel the water get cooler.

I remember the 'ol swimming hole in Red Bluff, California where I used to go swimming with my cousins. We would jump off a rock about 10 feet above the water and as we plunged into the water about 8 feet down it was flat cold and the surface temperature of the water was probably pushing 80 degrees.

The rise and fall of hot air balloons is another example of cold descending (and heat rising). How 'bout your refrigerator. When you open your refrigerator you will feel the cold air fall from the fridge and actually blow across your feet... well, it feels like it's blowing to me. In any case the phenomena is all around us. All you have to do is look.

So with this in mind let me ask, why doesn't a lake freeze from the bottom up? Why does the lake as well as the dogs water bowl get a crust of ice across the top? Heck, sometimes the ice on top of the body of water acutally gets to be very, very thick but from the surface down, not the bottom up.

OK, there are exceptions like when you make ice cubes or the body of water gets so cold that the whole thing freezes. But if you watch ice cubes form they get a crust of ice on the top FIRST. Most lakes don't freeze solid and you will find that they don't have a hint of ice at the bottom compared to possibly feet of ice at the top. Go ahead, jump in a lake this winter and check it out.

Why does it freeze from the top down? Water is a strange beast. In fact, from what I've read, water is the only compound that stops getting dense as it cools beyond 37 degrees. Yep, that's the trick. Water gets denser until it reaches 37 degrees and then it starts to expand.

What this translates to is water at the bottom of the lake being warmer than water at the surface. To explain let us imagine a cubic foot of water. This particular water is at the surface of the lake as a winter storm approaches. It gets cold and the water gets cold and the colder it gets it slowly sinks because it is getting more dense than warmer water. Finally this cubic foot of water gets to 37 degrees. It is on the bottom of the lake. It starts to get colder and as it gets colder it starts to rise because water is as dense as it will ever be at 37 degrees, colder than that it starts to expand. It continues to get colder so it continues to expand so it continues to rise. Finally it freezes... it is still expanding even after being frozen!

So what we have is floating ice like in a glass of ice water. At the bottom of the lake is 37 degree water and at the top of the lake is freezing water or ice.

This is why some boaters put bubblers under their boats to keep them from getting stuck or crushed in the ice. The bubbles cause a current that flows the warmer water at the bottom to the surface keeping the ice from forming.

I have to say, until I researched this I thought it was the bubbles that kept the ice from forming.

I realize there are many people that really could not care less about this subject. If you are one of those and still hung in and read this you are indeed special... I would never have made it. For the rest of you who find this interesting, I hope you got something out of this.

Myself, I think this is fascinating. Imagine how different our world would be if water/ice didn't have these properties and only H₂O does this (or so I read).

See you in the funny papers.....

Paroled MURDERER kills AGAIN

My Dad used to tell me that I shouldn't confuse justice with the law. When I was a little guy I didn't understand that but I do now.

In todays paper I read the body of a young woman, a 16 year old named Stephanie Wagner was found on Wednesday. That would be October 25, 2006. Young Ms. Wagner was working as a waitress at the Indian Head Resturant in Logansport, Indiana.

Her murderer worked at the same resturant as a dishwasher. He had been paroled in March of 2006. Paroled after serving 26 years for murdering a 5 year old ... again... 5 year old boy in Kansas back in 1979.

What parole boards don't seem to understand is that once a child molester or child raper or child abuser or child murderer.... the key word here is child... starts they don't stop. Not after 26 years. Not after 126 years. They don't stop. They need to be kept away from people. Kids are also people!

So here we have a parole board in Kansas giving parole to a murdering pervert who then moves to Indiana and within 6 months of being paroled murders a 16 year old girl.

The murderer, Danny R. Rouse, admitted doing the deed. He told police, "a feeling came over him."

What is this about? A murderers rights? Just why was this pervert paroled? Why is any pervert paroled? It certainly isn't justice to my way of thinking. Was he released because of the law? Ms. Wagner will never have justice on this earth.

No one at the resturant knew 'ol Danny boy's past. Maybe if parole boards across the nation continue to feel compelled to release these perverts back into society they could at least require a capital "P" be branded on their foreheads so the the rest of us might have a fighting chance at survival.

I'm sure everyone involved feels really bad. From Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius to the parole board, the resturant owner who hired Danny boy and of course the parents and friends of Young Ms. Wagner.

Stephanie Wagner, however, doesn't feel bad. She is dead!

Talking Heads and Observations

Accents. Toupees. Just reading the tele-prompter... has anyone seen my brain?

Just a few days ago the blonde talking head on CNN Headline News said a man was armed with, "three hundred and fifty seven magnums!" Imagine trying to carry that many magnums around at one time. I would think it almost impossible for one man could carry even 20 or 30 magnums yet alone 357 of them.

Today on the TV there is a woman with a heavy English accent talking about South Carolina. Wouldn't you think they would get someone from South Carolina to talk about the state. I wouldn't expect someone from South Carolina to be hosting a tour of England.

Why is it that so many political analysts wear bad toupees? Actually they are so bad they really should just be called wigs! Seems to me that if they can't look in the mirror and see how ridiculous they look, how can they accurately analyze anything?

I got a speeding ticket a few weeks ago. I am told that I can go to "traffic school" and if I don't break the law again for 6 months from the date the ticket was issued the ticket will be put in the shredder and for all intent and purposes I will have never been given a ticket.... BUT... I still have to pay the $75 fine. I have to pay $50 for the traffic school. Seems to me the insurance companies are getting left out of the game as they are missing out on the opportunity to raise my auto insurance rates. Am I somehow winning here?

I would like to personally thank Jon Carry for his comments about the truups in Irac. Keep up the good work jon.... All the republicans running for office need your continued help....




See you in the funny papers....